Have you ever felt the need to talk to someone but out of fear of being scolded or mocked you just kept to yourself? I have felt this many times in my life. I needed someone to listen to what I have been dealing with but many times my personal issue has been met with the frustration of the hearer. It can make a person become scared to open up, and staying quiet and holding everything in seems to be the only option.
Communication is a part of life. Bad communication is a common, natural part, so good communication is an important thing to learn. And one aspect of good communication is being able to listen. And not just listen, but listening with intent and care.
Its easy to voice an opinion. But sometimes it’s not necessary or wanted. We can speak with a person, hear of a situation they are in and readily give them a good word or a harsh word. We can help or we can become just another problem to be added to the one they already are dealing with.
Gnashing of the teeth comes easy for us sometimes, listening with understanding is the hard part. By gnashing of teeth I mean having angry words, using harsh judgment with an attitude of frustration, unwilling to hear the person out and consider their situation. This type of arrogant attitude can shut down a hurting, confused person very quick.
James 3 speaks much about the human tongue. This little member of our body can do great harm as we see from the text:
- James 3:5-6 ” See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell.”
- James 3:8 “But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.”
- James 3:9-10 “With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way.”
We also see it in several places in Proverbs
- Proverbs 29:20 “Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.”
- Proverbs 18:2 “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.”
- Proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
- Proverbs 18:13 “one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.”
It’s evident that holding our tongue and being a good listener is a godly trait that we should always strive for. Silence isn’t always necessary, but a certain amount is needed in order to take in the feelings and thoughts of the people that come to us with a problem. We need to be good listeners if we want to give good guidance.
I have found that many times when someone comes to me with a problem and they see no way out, if I just sit back and listen, showing them I am fully committed to offering help once I hear them out, it will bring them a sense of comfort. And often they will realize that the solution is right before them, they just needed a person who was willing to take time to hear their needs.
When speaking with someone make an effort to listen and listen well. Show the person your time is theirs and your heart and mind is devoted to hearing them first, and if necessary offer advice or correction only after you have heard them out. Keep in mind that their situation may not be big to you but it might be major to them. And be kind with your words but thoughtful, thinking and picking your answers or advice carefully knowing that biblical advice is better that worldly advice.
No King but Christ 